Yearning.

I can’t get this song out of my head…so simple, yet so real.

I yearn or You, for a passion that is only for You. That You would fill me with You. That my children see You. That Your will in our lives be fulfilled and Your glory known through us. As we seek You, that You would come, and draw us near. You love us, You desire us, You yearn for us to yearn for You.

That nothing else would matter in comparison to knowing and loving You. Even if I have a crappy day.

Sometimes I feel like there are so many thoughts in my head, I don’t know how to process through it all. I’ve spent the weekend seeking, literally crying out to my God for strength, renewed hope, and a renewed faith. I have walked this journey for a few years now. It’s not finished yet, however, I’ve learned so much through the journey. I know as I continue to walk this out there will be things I will see now, and some things I won’t see or understand until later. He doesn’t give us more than we can bear, good or bad.

I had a dear friend who called me a few years ago. We go back when we were in high school and had a youth group and her and Micah and a few others led worship. Although we don’t talk all the time, she is a friend I know that prays and is in tune to the Spirit. She called out of the blue and just said that she had had a dream where I was clutching my Bible, desperate, yet looking back at the situation that looked dim. At that time, we had had our second miscarriage, and I just thought, yeah, that’s what that is for….now looking back, I know that this is yet another journey He’s put me in and I can say that I am clinging desperately to His Word, to His truth, to His promises no matter what comes.

This weekend has been harder than many in the past few months. My heart has felt like it was going to come right out of my chest. I don’t know about you, but I can honestly say that I’ve never experienced it like I have the past few years. I have wanted to be strong for so long, for myself and my babies. I knew if I started, I wouldn’t stop. It would come like a gush, a river. It didn’t this weekend,but I got a glimpse of it…I know that day will come soon when I least expect it. There will be a time when I won’t be strong and it’s okay, and I will be table to say what He has put it in my heart to say. He has been equipping me for this for awhile now.

I was reminded about belief this weekend. About having that faith and asking, and then BELIEVING. If there isn’t belief, it’s hard to have faith. The Holy Spirit has so been working in and through me to be able to do what He has called me to do in this season. His hand has been in our every day, our thoughts, our struggles, our weakness, and our grief. It’s so hard to describe, but one day, I will be able to get all these thoughts in my head into words. A book maybe. God has so many ecxiting things…of what I don’t know. But there is a new season ahead, one of renewal, refreshing, redemetpion and restoration. I’m not through the fire yet. It would’ve been nice to walk around, yet if we dont’ walk through the fire, then we don’t get to show others His glory, how He allowed us to walk through and not get burned. How He so desires your willingness to stand and delcare His promises, to not give up no matter what is said or done, no matter how it looks from the outside in.

HE is greater than our deepest need, HE gives grace to forgive, in HIM we find who we truly are, HE is God.

An update.

It’s been quite awhile since H and H have been on here. It’s been a crazy few years, much less the last few months. They have been such a joy and blessing. God has been so faithful to protect their hearts, their minds, their spirits. He is all over them and in them. It’s neat to watch. Haven has really enjoyed reading her Bible at night during our special time we have before she goes to bed. She is growing up so fast, and I see so much of her personality and her zeal for life in general. She is so gentle and so full of energy at the same time. She is a thinker, yet she speaks the truth. I hurt when she hurts and cry when she cries. My heart breaks with hers, just as our Father’s breaks with ours. She is so excited for school to start and enjoyed softball this summer, along with swimming at nana and bopa’s house.

Harbin is growing so fast as well. I’m a little sad, as the past two years of his life have been chaotic, but some of the sweetest times with him. He is talking, asking questions, and has the sweetest spirit. So loving and enjoys people like his sissy, although a little more cautious. We have found out randomly that police men scare him and he cries loudly when he sees them walking. He loves his sissy and his family and loves to pray at night. He has a set pattern each night, pray for daddy, then mommy, then sissy and Harbin. He loves the Lord already and I’m so grateful. Like his cousin he loves church and learning about Jesus. He likes to ‘sing to Jesus’ when I take him in to sing.

Our new addition this summer was Marley. Haven picked out his name and he has been an added blessing.:) He’s a sweet dog and the kids really have enjoyed loving on him.

As for the next few months, there are a few details in regards to my work schedule and Haven’s school, ect. and we are believing the Lord for the right person to pick her up and stay with for a few hours until I can get her. God knows even the tiniest things are big and important. And my heart for my children is to be where He would have them to be. In a place or with someone that will love them and nuture them and live out Jesus. I’m believing that for Haven and for Harbin. We are blessed with a great extended mothers day out program that Harbin goes to during the week, all year round from 730-430. Such a blessing and he loves it and they love him.

The Haircut this summer.

The haircut after.

Her softball buddy and Marley.

Ms.Ireland and the diploma.

Erin's Homecoming from India.