I’m honestly not sure where to start. When I first started this blog, my prayer was that it would be an encouragement to many who read it, even if it was a journal of sorts for myself.
In some ways, I really didn’t know what to say or write. In other ways, I just didn’t want to be real and share.
Instead, I’ve been posting songs and videos, and pictures of my sweet babies. (not of this is bad, b.c I haven’t posted pictures of them in awhile and the songs and videos I’ve posted have shared what’s in my heart—or the season) To be real would mean to let your guard down, be humble, and lay it all out there. I am learning how to do that in this season I am in, especially with those closest to me and the Lord. He wants me to lay it all at His feet..to humble myself and literally lay my heart bare before Him. That is so hard when you are vulnerable….lonely…not sure where you fit or who the Lord is molding you to be….like you are walking aimlessly. I know my Redeemer lives and He will redeem the dark places…He will give me back those months and minutes that Satan has stolen….He will make all things new and breathe NEW life into that which is stale and dormant.
He will make a way in the wilderness….His Word will sustain me and give me life…when my heart literally hurts and I can’t catch my breath, the Lord is my Sustainer. When my faith waivers, You freely give me more and remind me that it’s in Your hands. When I can’t see the end from where I stand, I can look and see You. Through this fire, all around is flames, yet you are leading me through unscathed. May my hope continuously be in Him, who is the author.
His ways are not our ways. I am learning that I would’ve never ‘planned’ this season of my life. (I guess no one ever does get a road map for their journey of life) Yet I know that this is the testing….this is the trials where the perseverance and determination come. Where my true fighter instinct is emerging. To fight the fiery darts of the enemy…the spiritual warfare that has been so present throughout. I know that He will also fight for me. And yet in the midst of absolute chaos, He has always been the center. The calm. To know that His love for me FAR exceeds my love for Him and those closest to me. That He has equipped me for such a time as this (although I feel so inadequate and unprepared and, well, small) and He will be faithful to finish the good work He started b.c that is His promise to me. He promises me that He will give me the desires of my heart….and only a few that know the season I’m in know what that is….but I am waiting the day when that comes and when I can stand and say ‘This is what the LORD has done’.
And while I am on the subject of standing, when this season of my life came full force, the Lord spoke many things to me. One of those being to stand. To stand still–an act of faith–resting on His promises. It’s a determination to cease all questions, doubts and useless striving. To stand and wait for Him…to hear His voice–to be His light. That all other thoughts and voices would cease and that the lies of the enemy would be silent. To stand on His truths and that He has ordained my every step to this point and will continue to do so and not let me slip and fall. To stand in faith believing that He will have all the glory and honor even though I don’t understand the process, His purposes remain.