Monthly Archives: August 2009

one day

i will be able to write it out on paper. my desire is to write a book very soon. or at least start on it. i read a dear friends blog today. the kind of friend that you don’t see often, but you’re bonded through Christ, through kindred hearts, shared experiences.maybe i can say the word without wanting to throw up, or for that matter, snap out of my dream world. oh, there are times where, yes, i get it. it’s reality. it hits you in the face if you forget. yet, there are times where it still is so unreal. unheard of. unthought of. (that’s not a word, but for now, it is)

one day, i’ll be able to. it won’t make it any easier, or better, but it will be part of the process. healing. wow, to say it and type it, it’s so powerful. HE will do that for me. HE has and HE will continue. it’s a process. i think i think ‘one day…’ i just need to get through this process to get to the other part of the process, and He wants me to just be still. be in the process now, don’t rush. don’t try to fix it or change it, release and let Him guide the process.

our ‘one days’ may or may not come, but i know He will give us the strength to go through the seasons, process, learn, grow and then, if we’re lucky, we get to do it all over again. our ‘one day’ will bring Him glory every day. and He’s so worth it.



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with each new day

i may fall, but i will get up again

i will sing to You, i will praise

i will cry and pour my heart out to You

i will breathe in a deep breath and let it out slowly, closing my eyes and relishing the thought of who You are

i will be intentional

i will look beyond circumstances to the center of where You are

i will be still and let YOU fight for me

i will release what i can’t hold onto

i will trust what i can’t see

i will hope in what is to come

i will believe for greater things

i will live out Your purposes on earth for me

i will allow the children you’ve given to me to see what true love is

i will declare Your promises over them and speak life

i will count to ten and then react

i will continue to pray for greater patience

i may be small, but i am mighty in You

i may be quiet, but i am a fighter and an intercessor

i may be weak but He is strong

i may not at times be perfect, but i am His

i may mess up, but He understands

i may be misunderstood, but i know He knows my heart

with each new day, i may or may not do a lot of things. i may not say things i should, or i may say things i shoudn’t. i know You give me the grace to stand, to walk forward, to fight, to grieve on my knees, to pour my heart out. You hold me and sing over me, then You let me go, renewed for the next new day, knowing i may need to come back….sit awhile. giving me dreams at night as i sleep. You continue to speak over me….i pray i have the discernment….some days are crazy, some days i wish to not do all over again, but somehow, with each new day, You are there. and You are enough.


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i’m not really sure what to write. there are all these firsts in my life. all of which, honestly, i never would’ve thought would be here. i’m working again at wal.mart, which i thought i’d always be a stay at home mommy. and would never go back to w.m, much less the SAME place i left when i had haven.

haven starts first grade next week, harbin started a new school today. he pretty much literally goes all day. hurts my heart that he has to stay all day, but you have to do what you have to do. i wish it was different, but this season, it’s not. i prayed for a special friend for him that would love on him and be that special friend he can play with and enjoy so i don’t have to wonder….

i’m buying a house. closing is the 28th. never would’ve thought. it was so God. and then the other, well, i honestly can’t even type it yet. maybe one day……but for the moment, i just can’t do it. i know, i’m so weak. it’s been a whirlwind the past few months. i’ve never ever been this busy. no time to think, eat, barely time to sleep, a jumbled mess.

for the first time in my life, i struggle with anxiety and a vertigo diagnosis. i hate taking medicine. i take the gummy one a day’s if that tells you anything….

i had a dear person in my life pray for me today. one that i don’t see often enough, but the Holy Spirit is so there. i’m amazed at the people the Lord brings in our lives at literally the right time. weather it’s for prayer or something else. i had another dear friend from church pray for me last year and she prayed that the Lord would help me not feel like i’m going crazy through this season.i thought that was kind of odd and funny at the same time, but MAN so true now. i do feel like at times i’m everywhere at once. my mind is so full i can’t form a thought, or a sentence, or get out a word b.c i’m either speechless or the other…..writing has helped and all my journals will one day be a book i’m praying…or some type of freelance….we’ll see where God puts me.

trying to rest in the physical is hard, however i do rest in knowing Him and in the peace that my God will never fail.


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