Monthly Archives: September 2009

Seasons.

I am so amazed at who He is. I’m amazed at the season I’m in, He still speaks to me. I’ve never heard Him more clearly than in this season, and it’s been truly awesome. A lot of times in the car….this morning, the song ‘Jesus Paid It All’ came to my head. Over and over again, the phrase- ‘Praise the One who paid my debt, and raised this life up from the dead’. I tried to search for it on youtube on my way to work. (not the brightest idea I’ve had lately..) This has meant much to me on so many levels. My heart aches for those who aren’t walking in this freedom, who need rescued. HE is big enough and strong enough. He can raise us from death to life. I have been praying for hearts that are hardened to be made new.He will melt the heart of stone…I mean HE can wash that all away…HE can make us clean. It’s a whole new light bulb for me, a whole new reality I am walking in. It takes my breath away.

I have been struggling with many things. My job, the feeling of being ‘stuck’. The ‘I’m not sure where I fit’….being on the edge of something amazing and new, and yet I don’t know what it is or when.  Then I read these verses: Numbers 23:19 and Exodus 33:14. Yesterday, before I read these verses, I kept getting ‘the spoken Word is powerful’, over and over again in my mind. The Rhema word. It’s LIFE.

I pray that HIS Word would be life to you today. That you would realize where you ‘fit’, He would speak clearly to you that YOU are HIS, and that whatever your role is, YOU are valued, loved, and so truly dear to His heart.

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harbinbwjuly4th

I’m always amazed at his prophetic heart. The words he says. He said something last night that was so matter of fact. I asked him again, thinking maybe I misunderstood him, he said it again, plain as day. I just thanked Jesus. And prayed once again that the Lord would continue to protect him, that the Holy Spirit would continue to speak to his heart and that he would share. He is recognizing his colors, counting, and enjoys his ABC’s.

I love how they are creatures of  habit and routine. The same book at bedtime in the same spot. Cuddled up drinking juice and rubbing his index finger and thumb between the blankets he’s under. It’s the little things I want to not forget. That in the chaos of this season, the hurriedness,the impatience, the preschool all day I didn’t think he’d be in until he was 4 b.c I thought I’d be at home with him like Haven….that above all that, he would see who Jesus is. That he would learn through life, through mommy, through his sissy, and through those that love him, that Jesus loves the little children. That’s the song he wants me to sing at night before I put him in his bed. He doesn’t know I sang that since he was born. He loves to sing to Jesus and loves to pray. Faith like a child…

It melts my heart when they both run up to me after a long day. Or after they’ve been gone all weekend, and the house seems empty and not like a home until they are there. Or that my heart hurts when they do, or when they don’t understand why our season is the way it is. I have to be honest and say I don’t either, but that God knows what He’s doing in our family and we dont have to understand, but we get to love Jesus. We get to see how He loves us. How He shows us.

And sometimes He shows us through our babies. How blessed we are.

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I was having church at home this morning. I read about how He knows. How He understands. He was a human. He faced love and hate. He faced rejection and loneliness. So why would He not know how that feels when those emotions come up? We say He knows our hearts. Our feelings, our emotions. He does b.c He also lived that out. He walked out being rejected. He lived with those that loved Him dearly, or hated Him feircly. His heart breaks like ours does.

He endured a lot in his short life.

Haven and I have had conversations this past week about Jesus. How He loves children just like the song says. How we need to have faith and believe like little children do. That He is everywhere. He loves us. He wants us to please Him, to sing praises. We talk a lot about songs that please the Lord. She so desires that. And I’m so grateful that the Holy Spirit is beginning to work in her heart to think about Him and what He desires of her. Yet Istill want to protect her from neighborhood girls who may not know the Lord, or who are petty and mean. It breaks my heart, even little things, b.c my baby girl is so sensitive. Wisdom indeed. She loves so innocently and desires to be included. I pray that I can contiue to help her realize that the Lord can be all those things for her, even if those people in her life fall short, because we ALL fall short of His glory, but HE remains. He will never fail her. He is her security.

She is 7. Her birthday was September 4th. We are going to have a little celebration, as she just moved into a new house a week before her birthday. We will be doing a little something for her soon.  Amazingly, while she learns life, I am also learning life. God is good.Even though our last week was really hard, He was there. In the tears, the I’m sorrys, the anger, grief, exhaustion, hands raised in surrender b.c I didn’t know what else to do. We prayed. I got a screaming Harbin, (not his norm) a very frustrataed Haven, and me. We all got in my bed. Harbin prayed first. Then Haven, and then myself. We prayed over each other. We prayed over our rooms, over our home, over our lives. That we would bring honor to Him, and that His will would be done in our family. That He would speak to the hearts of those we love the most, that He would redeem those things that are lost.

And we get to live out His story for us. It may not be pretty or perfect, or the way we thought it’d be, but we know that as we live, HE is there, and HE will get the glory. He endured and so will we.

Havens first day of school.

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