My Story. Part 1.

I know there is always His timing. I have waited quite awhile for this. For one because I wasn’t ready. For the other, I just knew it wasn’t His timing.

It’s been almost 3 years since it all happened. I knew that I was to contest. I knew deep in my Spirit, although I didn’t quite understand the ‘why’s’. And then the divorce was final in December of last year. God knew. He knew that it would need to be a 2 1.2 year process for me and the kids. It was like a tornado came in. Knocked the breath out of me, and then left as quickly as it came. I had no idea. I tried so hard to be obedient even though I didn’t udnerstand. I stood for what I knew He asked me to do. Others didn’t understand, and all I could say was I was going to trust and believe. That when the time was right, He would speak clealy as He always did, otherwise, I was going to stand still and wait on Him. And there were times where I didn’t want to do it anymore. There were days where my heart literally was going to beat out of my chest. I couldn’t sleep or eat, yet I knew He was sustaining me. Giving me the grace.

It was a  time of chaos, intense warfare (and still is) grief, heartache, and loss. And yet, it was also a time of growth and total trust and dependence on the Lord. With a faith that developed perseverance. And through that faith and dependence, a newness and growth in me that was amazing. I had to depend on family, true friends (as many didn’t know any of the situation that was going on) I didn’t want everyone knowing. I felt embarrassed, ashamed, all the other emotions that come with it, yet wanting to show respect for those directly affected by it, as I so loved each of them dearly. I felt lost, almost like I was wandering aimlessly throughout my days. But deep inside, I knew. I knew that He was never going to leave me or forsake me. He was never going to leave or forsake my kids. His Word was clear on that. But I was desperate. Desperate to keep things together. Myself, to be strong and brave. The things that seem so ‘little’ are so HUGE to our God. He did so many amazing things…..

I found myself needing a job. Working full time with two kids. It was all an adjustment for me and for them. Our world had been turned upside down. Inside out. And yet, so many people, the true friends, were there. Praying, interceding, offering to help. I went through a time of withdrawal (a trait I have come to realize I have when I am stressed, not wanting to deal) and at times I didn’t. I was able to do some counseling before and throughout this whole process. It was good to just talk about it. And sometimes just grieve through it. At times it was all I could do to breathe, much less get out of bed. I had the Lord. He stood when I couldn’t. He was my Rock. He provided a good job, with amazing friends, some of who are my closest. He gave me a best friend, who He brought during this season, and who is now my best friend. They were patient when I was all over the place at once, forgetting things, needing to talk, being withdrawn. The joy was lost. I was walking through this fire, this season of uncertainty.

I had a conversation with God. It was hard, it was not fun at all. I was not mad. I didn’t understand, but I was not mad. I did get ANGRY, but it was more at the situation. Some of the circumstances that took place that were out of my control. He would gentlly remind me that it is Himself that will take care of that. HE was protecting my kids. He spoke clearly in so many ways. He made Himself real in so many ways throughout this process. If I would just be obedient and trust, and be still and know that HE is God, He will tell me when to move forward. And that He would take care of my heart. Throughout the whole process of the past few years, He was preparing my heart. He was molding me and stretching me. And this past year,  about a month after it was final, He said clearly, ‘Kara, it’s okay. You have done well. I’m proud of you. You have run the race. You have gone through the fire to the other side. You can move on’. And there was such a renewed vigor and newness to it. I was excited to see WHERE God was leading me. I had no regrets. I knew that I had done what He had asked. I stood. For my husband, for my family, for His glory. And the result….well, part 2 is coming up…..

New Seasons.

So, totally skipped the month of April. In the middle of May. A few things we have done the past few months.

Stick Horse Rodeo at Haven’s school.

Her last session with Ms. Savannah. (hard stuff:( )

Surprise trips to Silver Dollar City.

Redemption. God showing Himself real.

March. The beginning.

Easter early….

February so far…

Just enjoying the month. Been busy. Harbin has struggled again this winter with breathing problems, however, it seems to be getting better each year. He had pneumonia about a month ago, and continues to be on breathing treatments for the next month. Today we went as he’s not felt well and he has bronchitis.

Haven has lost two teeth this month and thinks it’s the coolest thing ever. We are so ready for warmer weather so they can play outside more. Praying about soccer and t.ball this spring. We shall see……..

Harbin’s 3rd B.day Celebration.

We had a sweet time with family and friends yesterday to celebrate Harbin. He had strict instructions for no Chick Fil A cow….

Sweet baby Avery Claire.

Baby Avery and Haven.

All of Chick fil A was singing Happy Birthday to him. He was a little shy.

Sweet H.

Some of our best friends. Ellie, Ms. Jaina and Joe.

Icing face.

David Harbin you had so many that came to celebrate you. We are all so blessed to have you in our lives. We love you!

I may be on my knees, but I am standing in Him and His Word. His promises never fail. He won’t leave or forsake us. He is who He says He is and He will do what He says He will do. May it start in my heart. Healing, revelation, restoration and redemption.

January 7th and 8th.

Today is a special day b.c my sweet baby boy was due on this day. This was his official due date. I will always remember these two days. Tomorrow, although I am blogging about it tonight, b.c I won’t be able to tomorrow, was when my second baby went to heaven. Somehow, no matter how long ago, a mommy always remembers dates. It was January 8th 2004. So long ago, but still so fresh in my mind. It’s amazing to think about being safe in Heaven with Jesus, yet we are also safe here, our earthly home, with Jesus.

Birthing means to: A beginning or commencement. I feel like the past few years have been that for me. Sometimes traumatic events lead you to that, normally not by your choosing. He gives and He takes away, but His name is to be called blessed. I won’t understand some things, but I will trust and know that He is and will continue to birth in me His purpose. And for my babies, the ones I’ve lost, and the ones here on earth that I get to show Jesus to, their hearts would be molded to Him. And when my heart literally beats out of my chest from hurt and pain and grief (and anxiety-who knew) then I will still trust and know that my heart is His. And He knows.

In my prayer closet.

A reminder from You when I needed it most.

just because.

following the leader.

the hot chocolate afterwards

afternoon snack.

David Harbin.

Today was the day I was scheduled to have you 3 years ago. You are so special for many reasons:

-you are the Lord’s

-you run up to me at random times and say ‘I lub you mommy’ just because.

-when you want me to pick you up or you want to be held, you say ‘i hold you’.

-when you are having a hard time getting to sleep at night, i ask what you need, it’s always ‘i just need you’.

-during intense parts of movies, or intense music, you put your hands on your ears or cover your eyes.

-when you hurt yourself you want me to kiss it and pray.

-you love reading each night, and praying with mommy and sissy

-you are asking so many questions about Jesus and where He is. and His angels that protect us.

-you love veggie tales and Bob the Builder

-your favorite song this year is: ‘A Bushel and a Peck’ by Junior Asparagus.

-you love your sissy and want to know where she is at all times. you have to give her a hug and a kiss before each nap and before bed.

There are so many things that make you who you are. You love learning, counting, spelling, and lining things up so they are organized.:) It has been a hard year for all of us, and you have made it so much more special b.c of who the Lord is making you to be. You are sensitive to Him and to others. You love deeply and feel sweetly. You haven’t been as sick this year as you have been the first two years, and we are continuing to believe that your bronchial asthma continues to lessen as you get older, but it’s still a struggle for you.

You are a cuddler and a hugger and you have blessed me and your sister beyond what you will ever know. And I know that others around you have also been blessed by your sweet spirit and your smile.

I pray you would continue to bring glory to your Heavenly Father, Jesus. He loves you more than any other.

I’m so proud of you.

Mommy.